The End is Nigh... for either me or the program.

Or both. Wow. In less than a week, I'll have finished my last Pathwise observation AND presented my research and exit portfolio. I can feel the change in my blood pressure within the last two weeks or so. Ha.
So, a little reflection on teaching high school. To be honest, I was mortified at first. I walked in, and here are all these kids that sort of look like me, sort of talk like me. I see all the cliques that used to exist when I walked these same halls (well, not quite the same--they added on a building)--the goths, the jocks, etc. I stayed in "the lurker" mode of the intern experience, trying very hard not to roll my eyes at some of the things that came out of their mouths.
Eventually the realization that these are still kids sank in. They do look like me; sometimes I wanted to borrow their shoes or whatever. But they are still kids, even if they act big. They're big kids.... I can have somewhat grown-up conversations with them, and at the same time, try to be a role model for them when it comes to the inevitable high school issues.
As far as teaching, being in front of them: I had to make my voice bigger than I feel. Watching my mentor, who's done this for 37 years, speak so softly and yet still being able to direct the class, was amazing. But for little me, I needed to exude confidence before I got it.

Bringing the Middle East to the Midwest

I am about to start a unit with my seniors at the high school; we are going to read The Kite Runner. The book itself has a lot of great information about Afghanistan and the Middle East's tumultuous history; what makes it great is the intimacy of Amir's story and how his childhood history is somewhat parallel to his country's.

My mentor teacher has already suggested showing the movie Osama, which is about a young girl in the Middle East. However, I really desired to make this book a personal experience for all my students. Reading and watching movies doesn't always hit home.

So, I was pooling my resources, and my Facebook status read, "Does anyone know any Farsi or know of anyone who does?" for about five minutes before a friend posted the name of one of my dear high school friends. I had completely forgotten that she could speak Farsi! It seemed like such a small part of her personality when I knew her that it didn't occur to me at all to ask her. Besides, I hadn't spoken with her since graduation. I had only stepped into her house in the past five years to get my hair cut by her mom, who has a shop set up in the back of her house.

And then the idea slowly spread its tendrils... her mom... so in love with her home country, Iran, and simultaneously happy for her children to be in America but deeply saddened by their naivety to their homeland, to what might have been if her parents hadn't escaped to Germany.

Not only am I going to ask her mom to translate some of the Farsi words in the book, I want to see if I can record an interview with her! She's only spoken about Iran and her migration to America when I've asked about it. But it sounds like such an exciting story: fleeing the country at 18, going to Germany, and meeting her husband there, who brought her to America. Going back five years ago, seeing her brother, who casually pointed out a nuclear manufacturing plant. Ask her what she "is," and she'll reply, "Persian."

I am so excited about this, not just for my kids, but for myself as well. Hopefully she will agree to do this and I can post the results!

There are mountains moving under my feet

"Despair" Alex Grey

Disclaimer: this blog entry has nothing to do with teaching ideas, classroom challenges, or university work. Sorry. After coming home from yoga, I became a bit overwhelmed, which is what happens sometimes when you allow yourself to take a look around at your reality instead of only looking forward at what you have to do next. The MAT program has made me into a pretty selfish person with my time; hopefully that will change when I graduate. So, what do you do when reality comes crashing down on you, and you suddenly realize that finding cheap airline tickets and building the perfect exit portfolio and getting in shape before your big summer trip is utterly moot in comparison to other things? I know what I do.... I write.
I feel like I have been pushing everything down in order to get through the academic year. I haven't let my soul breathe; I haven't allowed myself to feel much pain, much of anything really. And there's enough pain and fear here to hold me captive if I let it.
So maybe this is related to the classroom. After all, life won't slow down when I get a job. People will still get sick, cars will still need fixing, relationships will still need tending. How to balance your personal life and still give your students the attention they deserve is a good thing to know. I guess you could say I've had a lot of practice in that this year. Is that something I can put on my resume?
So while I'm swimming around in my pity pool, what floats by? Numbers, chances, one year, two year, 6%, question marks?? my three fathers: all so different (I would trade blood to keep the one) ... memories of a boy that never existed... friendly faces that crumble at a touch... friends with smiles on their faces and daggers in their hands... habits that need stamped out... unrealized potential buried too deeply beneath the moment... furious desire for a family of my own... tired of patience, tired of waiting for the right time... how unfair life is and why isn't there a less cliche way of expressing that sentiment.

Um, on a brighter note. Here's a poem I wrote this morning about spring coming.

Untitled
We feel spring's warming breath
before her leafy crown
appears above the ground.
Oh, I could kiss the earth!
Lie prostrate in the resurrecting grass,
and weep for joy of winter's retreat.
My Sun's glorious return
draws out the winter's toxins
in pearly beads on my brow,
and they trickle like spring rain
into the slowly arousing dirt
where they can be forgotten
and trod upon with lighter feet.
Life begins to breed again
in hearts too long cold as stone.
---------

Oh man. I'm out of words. I really thought I could express myself a bit better tonight.

Interview Survival Guide: For us inexperienced folk.

So, you think you're ready for the big interview, huh? You've put in your applications, bled dry everyone you know for references, practiced your most professional smile in the mirror, and have even recovered from those nightmares where you're sitting in your interview and it's going GREAT until you look down and realize you're in your underwear--your ugliest pair, sprung forth from the back corner of your closet, to be exact. You're feeling pretty confident, yes? Like a BON-A-FIDE teacher who can tackle any question thrown at you, huh? Well, let me tell you something, buddy.
You are ready.
At least, more ready than you may think. You've spent the better part of your last year immersed in the newest educational studies, practicing with real, live warm bodies and brains, and collaborating with veteran teachers who have given you great examples of what to do (or what not to do, which is equally valuable). Most importantly, you are living in a constant state of self-reflection and revision. You will probably never again have such a great opportunity for feedback as this--from mentor teachers, fellow students, professors, principals, your students, and your coordinating supervisors. This may give you an advantage over other applicants, because self-awareness plays a major role in the interviewing process.
"Just be honest," says the department head of one major high school. "We can tell when you are being sincere and when you're just giving us what you think we want to hear."
Your interviewers, unless they somehow fail to read your resume or detect that green hue in your bright, idealistic face, will know that you are new to the profession. So, don't act like you are just as seasoned as other teachers, and don't try to make up for or apologize for your lack of experience. Everyone began somewhere, and experience does not always equal qualification.
While naivety is never desirable, your fresh (and hopefully) idealistic position on education and your content area is something to capitalize on. You probably have a lot of new and novel ideas rolling around your head, so make this a highlight. Do not, however, try to be the radical new teacher who desires to change everything. Even if that is your plan, keep it under wraps. Most times, the people interviewing you are the very ones who hold those ideas you may find too traditional, boring, or ineffective. Ever heard the saying, "In order to change the system, you must be inside the system?" Don't jeopardize your chance to get inside. Stay true to yourself, as long as your self is not going to rock the proverbial boat too forcefully and too early.
If you have learned anything during your time in the MAT program, it is probably that there is still a lot to education which you don't know. Your classes at the university strive to cover as much as possible, but they should leave you wanting, with the understanding that even veteran teaching professionals haven't conquered all aspects of education. Hence the need to be a lifelong learner, and the need for professional development.
With this in mind, be humble. Confident, but humble. Let them know you are willing to work with others, to listen to criticism and respond positively, to be open to ideas--even if they seem archaic. (Sometimes there's a good reason behind certain methods perpetuating education's history). A team player who is willing to identify his or her weaknesses (if a lack of experience is a weakness) and willing to adapt his or her practice to what is needed in the school community is a desirable job candidate.
So, when the time comes for you to take your place in the hot seat, remember these things. You are more ready than you may feel, so lift your head and throw a skip in your step. Be confident. If you believe in yourself, then perhaps you can persuade others to believe in you, too. Be prepared to share some honest self-reflections. Use your "greenness" to your advantage, but remember to be humble, no matter how tall your aspirations are. And finally, most schools want a team player, not a force to contend with.
It also wouldn't hurt to do some deep breathing before your interview. And cover up those tattoos, you heathen. You'll be great.

Hamlet is shooting marbles in my kitchen

I found a wonderful website that I thought I would share. http://shakespeare-art-museum.com/ is an online gallery of Hannah Tompkins's paintings inspired by Shakespeare's plays. Once a real museum in Oregon run by Hannah and her husband, it is now only available online. Tompkins passed away in 1990.
Even if you aren't teaching Shakespeare, it is a very interesting site to peruse. A lot of us were able to go to a conference earlier this month about arts and literacy, and one of the presentations was about the different ways and levels of studying a piece of art, beit a painting, poem, or play. I found this painting of Hamlet titled Hamlet: Triple Portrait, The Scholar, Slayer, and Fool.

We are beginning Act V this Thursday, and my seniors will write a journal response exploring why Tompkins would have portrayed him as having these three particular facets.
I love Hamlet but will be glad to move on to The Kiterunner, mostly because my husband can bear The Kiterunner, but not Shakespeare. I get pretty wrapped up in Hamlet; it's my favorite of the Bard, and I also love Kenneth Branagh's adaptation. Kudos to Brandon for being a good sport and watching it with me, even if I did translate the whole time. :-)

The truth is,

Middle schoolers carry germs. It's true; cooties do exist. Just don't tell the kiddos.
I've had a fever above 99 for four days now. I'm tired of watching Tabatha's Salon Takeover.
Wednesday is my last day at the middle school; I will miss this rotation the most by far. It has been so much fun; every day is a completely different and interesting challenge. Hopefully I won't miss tomorrow OR Wednesday. That would just break my heart.

All in all, the satisfaction and happiness I carry with me each day that comes with doing what you love is so overwhelming at times. Other feelings take over a lot, such as frustration, impatience, etc., but when you know at the core of it all is a potent joy, you know you're doing something right. This brings me peace in a quite chaotic time.

Showin' Up Wordsworth

As our poetry unit is coming to a close (much quicker than anticipated, thanks to the snow week), I wanted my students to apply what they had learned and at the same time work with a more challenging piece of poetry. Yesterday, we looked at Wordsworth's "She Was a Phantom of Delight" to identify similes and metaphors. Today the students wrote parodies of the poem. The results were, well, interesting! What I liked about it was that it challenged the kids to really examine the structure of the poem, and then imitate it. Of course, there is only a certain level of comprehension that seventh graders can usually achieve with poetry this complex, but this didn't stop them from tackling the activity like pros. It also gave me the oppportunity to teach a bit about the man, Wordsworth, and what some of those difficult phrases meant.
For those of you who need to brush up on the poem, here's the first stanza (the only one we looked at):

"She Was a Phantom of Delight" by William Wordsworth

She was a phantom of delight
When first she gleamed upon my sight;
A lovely Apparition, sent
To be a moment's ornament;
Her eyes as stars of Twilight fair;
Like Twilight's, too, her dusky hair;
But all things else about her drawn
From May-time and the cheerful Dawn;
A dancing Shape, an Image gay,
To haunt, to startle, and way-lay.

...and our renditions:

Student A:
"She Was a Booger in Disguise"
She was a booger in disguise
Everything that I despise.
A disgusting image that made me weep
I am now afraid to sleep
Her eyes as tired as a sloth
Her hair covered in dandruff, like a cloth
A sluggish appearance,
Makes me sure I have no interference.
Her flaky skin was a sin,
I will never be the same again.

Student B:
She was a phantom of scare
And when I saw her, I lost my hair
She wasn't a delight
more like a fright
Her face was a disgrace
to the human race
her dusty hair
reminded me of my dirty underwear
I wanted to throw her in the trash
because she gave me a large rash.

Student C:
He was a demon of fright
When he came upon my sight;
A horrible person, sent
to destroy the Christmas ornaments.
His eyes as red as fire would dare;
Like darkness, too, his creepy stare;
But above all things, his trashy lawn
From midnight to the dreary dawn
A fiery shape, the opposite of day,
To scare, to haunt, by the way.

Now, tell me Wordsworth isn't rolling over in his grave!!